I don't look like this anymore

...and I am not happy about it.

If the choice were mine alone, I would've grown that thing until I was 150 years old. Damn it felt good.

day 21

Much more to say, including a full post-mortem.

All I can say right now is good night, sweet prince.

day 20

For some reason, having a moustache makes me want to wink all the time. And sing. Oh, and save the world.

day 19

I have to be honest, I miss the soul patch a little bit. It gave it balance -- and you could almost believe for a minute that I thought I was cool. Now I am firmly in Peeping Tom territory. Two days left. I haven't been able to break the news to the little fella.

My dad took a look at my face the other day and told me I looked like Clark Gable. I think understanding Gable's moustache is key to understanding why the moustache has become nearly extinct. For generations, a moustache was a sign of elegance and dignity. Women liked it. It was high-class. Gable personified this.

Then when Burt Reynolds started wearing an overaggressive machostache in the 70's, it got all fucked up. First off, let me say that Burt Reynolds, with or without moustache, is one of the baddest dudes of all time. I love Burt Reynolds. But the whole hairy-chested, thick-moustached, macho man thing that happened then turned the moustache from a symbol of refinement into a sign of rebellion and untamed hypermasculinity. Then as an offshoot of that it became associated with homosexuality.

And as we looked back on those times, the whole "macho man" era became something of a joke. And of course there is nothing that scares the average straight man more than being mistaken for gay. So the moustache died -- After Selleck (A.S.), who was grandfathered in, no straight or gay man* could wear one without being ridiculed.

Only now, with the Reynolds era a safe distance in the rear view mirror, have we begun to once again explore the moustache in an unironic way. Let's bring it back. Grow it for Gable, people.

P.S. One of the most underrated and consistent moustaches of the last 40 years:

* Again, we are talking about white men. Moustaches have continued to flourish in the latino and african-amercian communities.

day 18

We are nearing the end of this wondrous journey, my dear moustache and I.

In the next few days, I will reflect on how the experience has changed me forever. Until then...if we can agree that the cashier at the Whole Foods Body Shop on 25th and 7th has the most intense and dangerous beard in NYC, then this fella I saw on Court street has the most aggressive and captivating moustache. You can click on the pic to enlarge. I wish I could have gotten a better shot but he was angry about something and probably would have killed me. If you can't make it out, he has a big gruff facial hair unit sticking a good three inches out from his face. And in his moustache, there are these rubber band curler type things. He looked like a crazed ram or something. I felt like a novice jazz musician stumbling into a dive bar and coming upon Charlie Parker performing in his prime.

"You're why we do this," I said under my breath.

He just kept on chewing out one of the guys from the hardware store.

day 17

"Soul patch" (that's embarrassing just to type) comes off on Friday morning. Entire thing comes off Monday morning, I think. Cannot show up at work with this patch of ridiculousness on my face. If you knew the culture of our office, you'd understand.

I am gonna miss this thing. I have this small itch to commit a crime (shoplifting?), so the eyewitnesses can describe me as "about 6'1", dark hair, green eyes, and a moustache." That would make it all seem real.

P.S. Yes I did get a big ol' red pimple at the end of my nose. Tough break but it won't stop me. Would it stop this guy?

day 16

I hate to say this, but I am starting to feel kind of sexy.

day 15

I am starting to get attached to this thing. I can't believe I have to destroy it in like a week. It's as cruel as veal, I tell you. I didn't even have the nerve to get rid of the sideboards on my fuboychu today.

day 14

What you're missing at softball tonight. If there's softball. Tomorrow the training wheels come off.

day 13

From my brief 'goatee' period, Saturday afternoon. My wife took a look at me and said, "You know what? I've given up on ever being attracted to you again." I think I'm on the right track.

day 12

I am getting rid of my elderly man side-beard patches today. Tomorrow I open the cage and let the monster out for good. If I were you I would avoid direct eye contact.

day 11

My humble goal: to bring back the moustache AND the ringer T.

I wonder what these guys are talking about. My guess: moustaches.

day 10

I have at least 12 days left. I go back to work on July 23rd and I am spousally cleared to keep it for my first week back on the job. The question is, can I face my co-workers? I think the moustache itself will answer this question in due time.

day 9

Geek monthstache. Long way to go and not a lot of time to get there. I saw a guy in my lobby today with a big ol' bushy moustache and I almost started pressing him for secrets. But then I remembered that every man must grow his own moustache.

As to the big "when do I shave the rest of the hair and let the stache stand alone" question, I am definitely giving it a lot of thought. I am afraid to get rid of anything right now for fear that I might need it later. I am going to say that I will be 'moustache only' for this Sunday's softball game.

day 8

Brooklyn Monthstache. I am starting to worry that this might just not happen. I wonder if Nietzsche had such doubts...

day 7

almost there:

day 6

outdoor monthstache. looks kind of puny under the sun's cruel microscope.

day 5

The combination of my feeble moustache:

and this picture that BJL sent me:


has me thinking about Adam Morrison. It looks like he's a dud, huh? That's too bad. I like that dude, tears and all.

day 4

Today was a shitty day. But at least I grew me some moustache. I am concerned already about the area directly beneath the septum, however. That may require a little sharpie work when all is said and done.

day 3

Here's the best thing about growing a moustache: there are no wasted days. In the past, if I woke up at 10, dicked around on the internet for an hour, watched sportscenter, ate some Doritos, took a nap, woke up, felt depressed, dicked around some more, ate dinner, and went to bed, I might have a moment where my conscience said, what the hell are you doing with your life?

Now, when I do a quick mental recap of the day's activities, I always know I've been productive in at least one way. I've grown my moustache a little bit. And that's enough.

day 2

These things take time.

day 1

Nothing to report yet.

hola amigos

relax and have a limeade. we're about to get started.

we can't afford to fail.